Shine to This Again of Simple, Proud, Sunrise Heartache
by Emma Vance
Summary: A 10 song Kurofai fic. PLEASE read the author's note in the beginning to get the full warning, but non-descriptive yaoi, and it's under 'M' just in case. If you don't like this then don't read it and don't get mad at me if you do!


** Hi! Em, front and center! So I've read so many song fic's like this in which you press shuffle on your i-pod and then write a song that has to do with that song. . . though I think that I did it wrong because I didn't know that you had to write it in the same amount of time as the song. . . oh well! To bad, so sad, this is what you guys get! XD**

**Anyway some words of caution: My i-pod was being mean to me and gave me terrible songs to write with. Not that the songs are bad, they just gave me really hard prompts to put Kuro and Fai in. So with that in mind please read the following:**

**Song 2 has character death. Not my fault, blame the song! But it's not like the character has been murdered, it was old age. It's somewhat cute and has some feels (I cried a little while writing it), and my friends will back me up with the fact that I hate character death with a passion. But please, if you're going to listen to any song while reading the fic, listen to that one! That way you'll understand it. PLEASE! And if you ****_really _****don't like it, then just skip over that one.**

**Song 3 sucks because of the song. It was really hard to write, so please don't hate me too much.**

**Song 4, Tomoyo-hime is totally OOC.**

**Song 8, nothing personally against Christan's, I just can't see Kuro as one.**

**That's all! Thanks for the support and check out my other stories.**

**Read, Review, and Fangirl on!**

**Disclaimer****: Songs belong to their respective artists and companies, and the characters belong to CLAMP. . . dammit I wish life was fair. . . *sighs***

**Warning: Start from 'Anyway' and read to 'Kuro as one', and then you have the warning. Other than that it's non descriptive yaoi and is in the 'M' section just to be safe.**

1. Shine On- Rascal Flatts (2:55)

"Hey, Kuro-sama?"

"What is it mage." I sigh, turning to the smaller man. He'd rested with his back against a tree but now was leaning forward and was looking at me with earnest.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Just spit it out." I tell him, impatience showing in my voice.

"You know that you were the one that pulled me out of the darkness right? Well, you've shown me the world- everything that I was going to miss from staying in the past. I-" He takes a deep breath, "I know that sometimes I still think about the past but you don't abandon me like someone else might, you just take my hand gently and lead me back to the light where I can see the people that care about me." he runs a hand through his unruly golden strands in a slightly agitated gesture- like he's not sure what to say but needs to say it.

"I guess what I want to say is, thank you for loving me Kurogane Suwa, thank you for showing me that I'm worth something, and thank you for being my guiding light that I can always turn to."

He smiles a bright, real smile at me and I have to resist the urge to smile back.

"Stupid mage." I chastise, and lightly punch his forehead, "You're ruining the nice day with your gloomy thoughts."

He shakes his head, "No, Kuro-sama. I think that I'm making it brighter."

This time I grin at him, "Keep smiling like that and you'll blind everyone in this world."

His smile grows and I look to the side where I see the kid and the pork bun running across the clearing to us. I stand and pull the mage up with me.

He starts to move forward but I grab his arm and whisper something into his ear.

"I should be saying thank you for loving _me_, Fai."

2. To Where You Are- Josh Groban (3:53)

I had never planned on living without you. Never planned on staying in the country that you had been born in, lived in, loved in, and died in.

But with your last words I knew that I had to go on living- at least until I sensed my internal clock run out.

So I'd spent the last hundred years living by myself but not by myself.

I wasn't sure that I'd go to heaven after my own death, but the only thing that I could hope for was to be with you for the ever after, surely god couldn't be so cruel as to let two lovers be separated?

At least that was what I hoped.

Knowing you you're looking down on me with disdain in your frown going "Stupid mage, you're not cooking that right." or, "Idiot! Don't freak out, it's only Tomoyo-hime's granddaughter's rabbit in the garden- NOT an Oni!" but at least you're watching over me.

That you still love me even with all the good looking men in heaven.

Which I know is true, you told me before you're passing when I asked you jokingly that you'd never fall in love with another man, or a woman for that matter.

But as I stare out over the blooming Sakura trees I can't help but look over to where you'd be sitting and wish you were there. That you'd turn to me and smile- like you did only when you knew I needed it and we were absolutely alone.

But I guess I'll just have to dream of you.

And that's okay for now.

I know that I have to stay in this world a while longer- to watch over the other kids Fai-mommy and Kuro-daddy stole from Tomoyo-hime and decided to keep. Not that she minded of course, she was happy to share. And so is her daughter- happy to share her little girl with me so I don't get so lonely, like you know I do when my Kuro-pup isn't here with me.

But it still doesn't stop me from wishing with my next breath I'd see you- that it brought me closer to you. But I can wait a while longer, and if _I_, the impatient one, can wait that long, so can Kuro-stoic.

"Fai-niisama?" I look up to see a small girl standing in front of me. I put my small cup of saké down.

"Yes, Kitty-chan?" I smile, tilting my head with my affectionate nickname for the small girl.

"Um," She squirms, "will you tell me the story again?" she asks.

"Oh! And which one would that be?" I tease, knowing exactly the one that she wanted.

"The one with the princess that looses her memories and her knight and his companions- the mysterious but powerful ninja, and the intelligent, swift wizard that go on a trip through a bunch of different worlds to return the lost memories and defeat the big, bad, evil boss!"

"Mage." I correct and stand- extending my hand which she takes, "I'll tell it to you again. Come Kitty-chan, lets go inside- it'll be getting cold soon."

We turn and hand in hand I escort the little girl into the house.

"Once upon a time in a desert kingdom named Clow there lived a beautiful princess named Sakura. Princess Sakura was in love her her knight, Syaoran, and. . ." My mind wanders as I continue the story that she thinks of as only a fairy tale that I created.

_Hey, Kuro-sama. I can feel my breaths getting longer and them coming in less amounts. I'll see you soon. A few breaths is all that separate us._

As I shut the shoji doors I can almost feel those piercing red eyes that read so deep in my soul stare down at me from above the now orange clouds, and I can't help but smile as the door closes with a soft 'click'.

3. What's This?- Disney (3:05)

"Kuro-wonder! LOOK!" I gasp pressing against the window, "There's WHITE stuff out there!"

Kuro looks up at me from his book by the hearth, "Right, I forgot that it doesn't snow in idiot land where you're from."

I huff with indignance, "I was born in France, and moved to Florida before it changed seasons there! I do _not_ come from 'idiot land'!"

"Sure could've fooled me." Kuro mumbles going back to his book and I glare at him. Stalking over I grab the book out of his hand and toss it to the ground behind me.

"There are people out there, Kuro-grump! Is something wrong with them?"

He sighs, "No," he takes off his reading glasses, "people play in it."

My eyes go huge at this development, "Really?! Can we Kuro-sweet?! Please! Pretty please!"

Kurogane scowls at me, "No. It's cold and I don't want to have to put on extra layers. Beside I'll have to go outside tomorrow to start Christmas shopping that Tomoyo demands I do."

My eyes narrow, not entirely knowing what Christmas is, but I decide to let that go right now. Leaning forward I whisper in Kurogane's ear.

"Play with me outside in this _snow_ and I'll make sure that Kuro-sama is plenty _warm_ later on tonight after all the little kids go to bed."

Kurogane shivers and with that one action on his part I know that I've won. Grinning I grab his arm and pull him out of his chair and to the door.

"Com'on Kuro-slow! I want to get out there before it disappears!"

4. Breathe Again- Sara Bareilles (4:52)

I never thought that I'd move away from here. From this shrine that I had called home for the past eighteen years. That I'd get into that deciding argument with Tomoyo about my sexuality. We'd told each other everything before, but why was I stupid enough to believe that things were still like that. She said that mom and dad would be so disappointed if they were still alive.

I think that they'd be supportive, but she doesn't see it that way.

She might be my younger sister, but I feel as if I lost an older one- my mother all over again, and my heart and lungs feel heavy at the fact.

"Are you ready?" A soft hand touches my arm and I over to see the concerned look on his face, "You don't have to do this you know. Family is more important than love."

He'd know. He has a twin.

I shake my head, "I'm ready, idiot. Lets go."

Climbing into the driver's seat of the car he slides in nest to me. I start the engine and we both strap up. I take one last look outside through the rear-view mirrors and my heart sinks at the small black-haired head that watches from the window- that shakes with disgust and leaves with a swish of the curtain.

I press down on the gas making the car move forward and taking us away from the place that I was no longer welcome.

"I'm sorry Kurogane." Fai whispers, as if it's his fault.

"It's not your fault." I tell him, "I was stupid enough to let her get a bad impression of you and then tell her about me."

"But-"

"No buts!" I snap and my hands tighten on the steering wheel, "she knows what you mean to me, and it's her problem if she can't accept that." _She knows that I need you to breath. That without you I would kill to get you back._

"You can cry if you want to Kuro-sama." Fai tells me, and for the first time I notice that there are tears that threaten to run down my face.

A few escape, but I ignore them, "I'm not crying, idiot."

Fai nods, "Of course not, Kuro-sama." he agrees, knowing that I don't like to show weakness.

_I'm not crying. I just feel heavy. But I'll__get better. Soon Fai'll help me to be able to breathe again._

5. Ghost of Me- Daughtry (3:39)

Fai jolts awake and immediately runs his hands over my half asleep form.

"What are you doing?" I groan. It'd been a couple of hours since we'd been joined together and I wasn't in the particular mood to be gotten going again.

"Y- you're here? Kuro-sama's here! Thank god!"

"What are you going on about?" I question, now fully awake and sitting up.

I notice for the first time the tear marks on his face.

Pulling him into my close I wrap my arms around him in a hug.

"I- you were- I thought that I had lost you. You fell and fell and fell and there was nothing left!"

"Shh. . ." I try to sooth, "I'm here and I'm not dead. I'm not a ghost, so relax."

After a few minutes his body melts into mine.

"You're not a future seer, Fai. What you saw didn't come true and won't come true, so don't wake up and think that I'm not going to be here. I will _always_ be here. You know that I won't let anything kill me that I don't want to kill me. It's just a ghost that you see in your dreams."

He sniffles, "I know," he says, "but I was so scared. I really thought that I had lost my Kuro-sama."

"I already told you that I'm not going anywhere so everything's fine, idiot. Don't worry about me, worry about yourself."

Fai looks at my face and after a minute nods. Suddenly and mischievous smile works its' way onto his face, "Hey Kuro-sama?"

"What?" I sigh, knowing that I'm not going to be the happiest person with his answer.

"Well since I'm still a little shaky inside and both my Kuro-hunk and his Fai-kitty are still unclothed from their earlier activities, do you think that Kuro-firm could prove to me that he's not a ghost?" Fai rubs his cock against mine and that's all I needed to get me going.

Pressing my lips against his in a hungry kiss, all I can do is smirk, "Gladly."

6. Simple and Clean- Hikaru Utada (2:25)

Infinity was hell. That was what I wholeheartedly believed. Syaoran-kun was the same but wasn't, Sakura-chan was realizing that everything might not have a happy ending, Mokona continued to worry about our safety, and Kurogane was being his same old, _fucking __**stupid**_ self.

I guess it never occurred to me- or him, that I could hate him more than I hate drinking his blood, but it happened quite easily.

Though there's a reason for everything.

He'd given me too much- my life and his, to dance in my palm like I'm the ruling overlord. I never wanted this but he forced it on me anyway.

And I have to hate him because I love him.

Stupid, huh. I'm going to betray him and he's the only thing that I need. After I feed I want to wrap him in my arms and apologize for the marking of his skin. I want him to finally accept my apology and then hug me tight- in that warm embrace.

He doesn't hear me beg for him to stay every night after drawing his blood, but he wouldn't since I do it in my head.

But life isn't that simple.

After the final battle with Fei Wong I was finally able to tell him how I felt- that I loved him more than I could express in mere words.

I could tell from his eyes that he felt the same way.

And as we slept side by side that night- arms and limbs tangled around each other, not wanting to spend a moment apart, I whispered in his ear.

"Kuro-sama, thank you. For the first time I'm not afraid of what my future holds."

7. Something to Be Proud of- Montgomery Gentry (4:16)

This sucked. I hate road trips cross the country, and it was mainly because of the blonde idiot in the passenger seat.

It makes me wonder what my father would say- I mean I skipped out on college and picked up this dunce in California. It wasn't like how you lived- working for your life and being a hero in the country that you love.

I guess I never saw war in the same light as you.

He hadn't said much when I introduced him to Fai, and I figured that he didn't approve. Not that I could blame him. His rebel son moves to the West coast and meets a blonde, effeminate, blockhead that in his own words- can't live without.

He's always wanted grand kids.

"Kuuuuuurrrrrooooooo-taaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn~!" Fai sings and I repress the urge to deck him.

"What?" I snap.

"Pull over~!"

Knowing that I should just do what he says and save myself the headache I pull over to the side of the (thank god) deserted road.

"What now?" I sigh.

"Look at this!" He grins and passes me a piece of paper that he had found while digging in the glove compartment.

I take the paper. It has my name on it in my father's scrawl,

_Kurogane,_

_Knowing you you've been concerned that I don't approve of that boy with your heart._

_I do approve._

_You're standing on your own two feet and providing for someone that might become family. That's something that makes me proud._

_Just don't screw it up- your life is heading in the right direction, whether you live near home or not. Just make sure that you don't go too fast or you become an old man like me before you realize it._

_And know that falling in love isn't the end of any fun in life that you might have, it's the beginning as long as you make it happen, and I can tell with that boy- Fai, you're not going to be bored for a very long time._

_Be proud of yourself son._

_-Dad_

I look at the letter and start grinning, Fai stares at me curiously.

"What is it?" He asks.

"Nothing." I fold the letter and stick it in my pocket.

"Awwww, Kuro-riiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnn!"

"To bad." I tell him and start the engine once again.

Fai huffs and crosses his arms as I once agin pull onto the road. We drive for another few minutes before his eye catches on a sign.

"Kuro-sama! Take the next exit!"

"Why?" I sigh, already switching lanes.

"Because it's Hershey!" He says excitedly, "They make chocolate there!"

I shake my head in exasperation. But it's easy to tell that I don't mean it.

_Maybe this road trip won't be so bad after all._

8. Thank God For Hometowns- Carrie Underwood (4:03)

It was the first time I'd been back here in five years- as soon as I could get out of there.

I gulp and pause the car at the town limits.

"Are you okay, Kuro-worried?"

I look over at Fai.

"Yeah."

"Does Kuro-quiet feel nostalgic?"

I frown at him, "I don't get nostalgic. But I do wonder how some of the people are doing."

"And whether they'll approve."

Fai's face is now downcast.

"Of course they'll approve." I tap him lightly on the head, "That's the good thing about being from a small-town instead of a big city. If they really care they'll understand even if their religion tells them not to."

"Is Kuro-tall a Christian?"

"Nope." I sigh, "Never could understand the stuff, but that doesn't mean anything here- you are who you are here. Not someone else, not a fake. So you better not pull that fake smile out while we're here."

Fai actually grins at that- just slightly but he still does.

From where we're sitting we can see a couple of women and young children dressed in black.

"Did something bad happen?"

"I don't know." I shrug, "Someone probably passed away. Mother and father would have already been to the service and be home now- waiting for us." Sighing I press down on the gas and gingerly drive into the limits.

Fai puts his hand over mine, "It's okay Kuro-sama, it's just like you said. If they really care about you they won't care who you're in love with." he leans over and gives me a kiss on the cheek and smiles at me brightly.

Suddenly this doesn't seem like a 'do-or-die' situation.

9. Sunrise- Rascal Flatts (5:07)

I always wanted to just be free, take my own breaths, and he helped me do that. He wiped away the tears and allowed me to see clearly. He took me into his arms not caring about my lies that I still keep hidden- and I know from his face that he'll still care for me even after they come to light.

Ashura never cared he just used me, and created pain that I never thought that I'd ever loose.

But you removed the pain and taught me to live for the moment- live for today instead of the past. Taught me that fairy tales can be true as long as I believe in them.

You won't let me down, and I won't let you down anymore. I promise that.

We sit on my bed, gazing out the window. I lean back against your chest and sigh deeply as you curl your arms around me. There's something surprisingly comfortable about being here with you in an intimate way, dressed in the way that we were both born after a night of you showing me light instead of darkness.

I allow my eyes to half close as I listen to your breathing, my skin pink in the color of the light.

_You're changing me Kuro-sama, one day, one sunrise at a time._

10. Happy in My Heartache- Josh Groban (3:08)

"He'll be back in one day." I whisper. Sitting in your room, where I'd taken to staying every time you leave on another job. The heartache was becoming so much and I can't muster the energy to smile. But I can't deny that I love you- you know this of course, you've offered to take me with you. But I decline every time. I know that I'll just get in your way.

I take another sip of my sugar loaded coffee, but it doesn't calm my faltering heart.

Sakura-chan has been making sure that I eat. It's a kind gesture, she knows that I have abandonment issues and both her and Syaoran-kun assure me often that he's never gone for long and always comes back.

I know this but my mind has trouble processing it when he leaves me. It makes it hard to feel, and I don't want to see the walls that hold my heart crumble.

_Maybe I should go with him the next time- no! I'll just be in the way! And if I'm in the way Kuro-sama may very well get hurt._ My mind flashbacks to when he first left on his job and came back with a gash on his chest. I shake my head and pull my legs to my chest, shivering slightly.

I look at the clock, thirteen hours left until Kurogane comes home, til my prince charming comes home, til I feel complete again.

Sighing I close my eyes. There's a soft knock at the door but I ignore it. I don't feel like talking to Sakura-chan right now.

Suddenly the door opens and a tall figure walks into the room, closing it behind him.

My head shoots up- eyes wide.

"K- Kuro-sama?!" I ask with amazement, shaking my head but the image doesn't go away.

He smirks at me, "I'm home stupid mage."

I leap off the futon and throw my arms around his neck, "Welcome home!" I smile, holding him tightly.

Kuro sighs and winds his arms around me as well.

We stay like this for a minute before he comments, "I know I'm home early, but seriously, if you're lonely you should say something."

"I don't want to bother you." I mumble, my face pressing against his shoulder.

"Idiot." He chastises, "You're a bother all the time, but I wouldn't have you any other way. It's when you're like this that you get on my nerves."

"Sorry." I say, now smiling.

"I'll take you with me next time." He tells me, and I know that I'm going whether I protest or not.

"Okay." I sigh.

"Good. Now can I sit fucking down?"

I grin and lead him over to the bed where I push him down and sit on his lap facing him.

"This better?" I tease, leaning closer to him.

"Yes." He smirks, "Much better." Kuro closes the distance between our lips and I begin to fumble with the buttons on his shirt.

_The ache is gone. I've been made whole again. Maybe I should start going places with my prince charming, that way I never loose this feeling? I've never had a happy heartache, but with Kuro-sama I can be happy without it._

**I hope that you guys enjoyed that! And I hope you understand my mentality while writing these.**

**See you soon! XD**


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